Thursday, November 25, 2010

What Are You Thankful For?

Well, it's time for everyone in America to once again tell themselves they are only going to nosh a little bit, and instead end up in a turkey squared coma (actual turkey and Wild Turkey).  As many of you know, a yearly tradition is to mention what one is thankful for in their lives before the big feast begins.  I'm here to give you some of the things I'm thankful for this year.  As a serious heads up, we're gonna mix it up more than Dan Bylsma does wingers for Sidney Crosby.  By that, I mean not everything will be about hockey.  I wouldn't worry though.  I think y'all will be fine.

The Official holiday of Kyle Wellwood - Appetizer spread only pictured.
I Am Thankful...

- ...that I get to watch a sports league run by a competent commissioner that is devoted to marketing the sport to millions of fans.  A commish that has a top-notch staff of loyal, devoted, and most importantly, honest and unbiased individuals working for him in order to protect the league's highest integrity in all matters.
- ...that one day Gary Bettman might learn something from the aforementioned league.
- ...that despite most food packages having pictures on the label of what they contain, Gerber does not in fact have ground up babies inside.
- ...that I have an irrational fear of taxi cabs, and thus will likely never get into as much trouble as an NHL player.
- ...that it's time for everyone to make delicious delicious pecan pie (my absolute favorite).
- ...that Martin Brodeur's pie eating elbow is currently injured, thus I know my pie is 100% safe.
- ...that I don't own a purse, because if I did some moron might try to sell me a Kangaroo Keeper.
- ...that I know one day Tom Hicks will sell the Dallas Stars.  (Turn in Hanukah time when I wish for the sale of the team for all 8 nights)
- ...that at least 41 games in the NHL season are played at home, otherwise the Stars may never score another power play goal again.
- ...that I should never have to drink $10 a bottle scotch ever again...EVER.
- ...that I've met some really cool people on twitter who were able to enrich my life.  That poutine bot just LOVES me to pieces.
- ...that Paul Bissonette has yet to severely injure his hands in a fight.  That would certainly make for rather difficult tweeting.
- ...that one day I will once again get head in a place other than a beer glass.
- ...that I do not have to deal with womanly issues such as cramps, mood swings, hot flashes, and receiving pictures of Brett Favre's ding-a-ling.
- ...that someone, somewhere in Dallas will do something so incredibly stupid during a sporting event, that it will make the news.  Every now and then, it's a defensive player too.
- ...that pro wrestling is fake, because if anyone like The Miz ever became a UFC champion, I'd have to stop watching the sport.
- ...that it was once again proven that money can buy you players, but that doesn't necessarily translate into wins.  Lou Lamoriello might want to call Glen Sather to find out how this story ends.  (SPOILER ALERT: It ends with an extremely overpaid enforcer and a lack of anything that resembles a hockey team).
- ...that we're on the topic of fantasy hockey teams, because I'm doing rather well in my Yahoo leagues including two that I am essentially running away with.  Moral of the story?  Always draft with a group of Dallas Stars fans.  Sadly, I have realized they know absolutely nothing about hockey.
- ...that I can marinate my seafood in a combination of extra virgin olive oil, fresh herbs, garlic, and lemon instead of not-so-tasty BP oil.
- ...that the Sedins play far far away from here.  The last time we even had one half of a Swedish set of twins in this state, I almost lost a girlfriend due to an obsession.
- ...that the Chicago Blackhawks defensemen have welcomed Turco so much to their team, that they too have stopped playing defense in order to make him feel at home.
- ...knowing that even if my team fails to make the playoffs, they probably will still rank 5th overall in the Eastern Conference.
- ...that Snooki has not had a sex tape released nationwide.
- ...that I started this blog assuming it would be a train wreck of epic proportions, and yet people still find me amusing enough to get to the final line of the post.  Happy Thanksgiving to everyone in the US, happy Thursday to everyone elsewhere, and a heart felt thank you for taking time out of your schedules to read what I have to write.

Now get the hell off my lawn before I spray you with the hose.

As always, feel free to leave your comments, hate mail, and your favorite Thanksgiving side dish, or just stalk me on Twitter , because what better things do you have to do while at work?

1 comment:

  1. Hay your thankful for a hell of a lot , you would have no time for anything else and what do you have against the kangaroo keeper anyway !!