Sunday, December 12, 2010

An Open Letter - Kari Lehtonen

Dear Kari,

     First off, by Kari, I mean you Mr. Lehtonen.  As much as I'd love to be writing a letter to Kari Byron, I don't think the restraining order allows for such things.  Now that we've established that you have to pay attention, let's get down to business shall we?  I'm going to be direct and decisive here and hope that your grasp on the English language allows you to follow along: STOP GETTING FUCKING HURT!  You see, I applaud you for not shredding your groin into 12 strands of spaghetti each week liek you did in Atlanta, so I suppose that is a great improvement.  Sadly, the fact remains that you keep tweaking portions of your back and these tweaks have me greatly concerned.  As much as I love watching Andrew Raycroft flop to the ice merely minutes before the puck is actually shot at him in order to make a valiant attempt at a save, I'd much rather have someone in net that has more poise and promise than a Vesa Toskala-in-training.  True, Mr. Raycroft has received more goaltending hardware than you, but that was also back in the days when players had to get off season jobs to pay the bills and every retard athlete received some sort of trophy for participation so that they did not feel left out.

Yes Andrew, you actually let in that many.

     I know you didn't think it was a huge deal when you decided a little extra rest might do your body good (Trademark - US cow milkers).  I mean at the time Raycroft was one of the hottest backups in the NHL.  He shutout the Sabres, he beat the best team in the NHL, and he had another win or honorary mention at making super easy glove saves look like ESPN Top 10 worthy material or something like that thrown in there.  Unfortunately, that's when Raycroft suddenly snapped back to reality, much like many wrist shots were snapped by his prone body into the back of the net.  I think we both now realize that the current fan/goaltender relationship just isn't going to work.  So I need you to say your prayers and take your vitamins so you can be 100% and soon.

     In conclusion, get better so that one day I might go on a well respected podcast and man crush all over you, like I did to the guy whose name is spelled eerily similar to yours, the day that you retire.


P.S.  Seriously, go visit the podcast link.  I said like two nice things about you.

As always, feel free to leave your comments, hate mail, and future letter recipients, or just stalk me on Twitter , because what better things do you have to do while at work?

Sunday, December 5, 2010

NHLOL 11/27-12/4

Well I guess it's that time again where I slack off and don't post until late night.  On a positive note, I got to attend the Stars/Capitals game on Thursday.  Great game.  I won't bore you with details, but Ovechkin managed to embarrass himself and then was the key contributor in the disallowed goal in the waning seconds of regular.  Good job sir.  Sadly, your horrible play is only making the force grow stronger in Sidney Crosby this year.  You should probably do something about that, you know, like score some goals or something.  Maybe that Stamkos guy will be reunited with St Louis and he'll be able to score goals again.  Oh, and since it is a Stars blog and I've been very bad about general blogs lately, have no fear, Matt Niskanen is still the kind of horrific turnovers that lead to breakaways and/or goals.  Keep up the good work Matty.  Oh ya, and then, there's an impressionable young Brad Richards:

Cause who wouldn't want to be like Alexandre Daigle?

And on that note, here we go with some more chuckles for the week:

AP and other images via Yahoo! and ESPN/Getty Images.

As always, feel free to leave your comments, hate mail, and other Brad Richards sentimental pictures or just stalk me on Twitter , because what better things do you have to do while at work?