Sunday, November 28, 2010

Shame on...

So it seems lately I've been so focused on the good ole NHLOL posts, that I haven't given y'all a dose of what you used to come for: hardcore pornography humorous writing.  To be honest, it's much easier to do a little work each night, than sit down and try to crank out a blog, particularly with how chaotic life has been.  Thankfully for you, inspiration struck me at work, so here we go with another sentence starting scenario (sorry, I just wanted some alliteration for a second).

Shame on __________:

...Antti Niemi for tricking people into thinking he might actually be a decent goaltender after one night against the Blackhawks.
...Tim Thomas for hoping to pull a Halak in the playoffs, only to never get the opportunity, so he decided to play like a man possessed in the regular season instead.
...anyone who tried to say that Kari Lehtonen would snap something in his groin similar to the Thanksgiving day wishbone.
...the sports media for wanting to award the New Jersey Devils a Stanley Cup opportunity.  You are awarded no points, and may you be punished to only watch their hockey games for the rest of the season.
...those same sports media people for thinking that the New York Islanders might finally be good after accumulating approximately 28 1st round picks over the past five years.
...Charles Wang for firing a head coach who did better than anyone expected them too despite losing their top defenseman and second best forward before the season ever started.  (Ed note: He should have fired whoever was in charge of the practice that they both got injured in.  That guy is an idiot.)
...anyone who reads Down Goes Brown and didn't realize that "he knows what he did" would become reality just a few days later.
...anyone that doubted my theory on Bettman ordering teams to score 8 goals a game in order to prolong ESPN highlights.  ESPN spent almost 2 minutes with counters on the Tampa Bay/Philadelphia Flyers game.
...Rick DiPietro for sucking like no tomorrow the one time he actually is able to remain healthy for a period of longer than seven seconds.
...the 625 fantasy owners that gave up on Brian Elliott, unlike myself who kept him on my team and appreciated his kind return of a shutout today.
...(on a similar topic) Pierre Gauthier for being a spineless conniving prick who refuses to acknowledge what the rest of the hockey world knows: that Andrei Markov is out for a long time.  Just admit it and put him on IR already.  I'd kinda like to add a defenseman you jackasses.
...the St. Louis Blues, one of the best defensive teams in the league, for allowing the Stars horrific road power play to score for the first time since October 9th, 2010 - a span of 50 days.
...Sean Avery, not for having a rule named after him, but as should be expected involving anything associated with him, using it incorrectly, thus costing the Flyers a victory.
...talented Montreal Canadiens bloggers for blaming their lack of posts on "internet issues," instead of doing what the cool kids do such as blaming it on hectic work schedules and life.
...Toronto Maple Leafs fans for assuming them acquiring Brad Richards is a mere formality.  Dallas is currently 3rd in the Western Conference (I'll give you a moment to recover from the shock of reading that, but it's true) and last time I checked, your lack of 1st round draft picks means that there's only one viable trading option that we'd go for.
...The Boston Bruins for not acquiring Gregory Campbell sooner.  No way Colin would have allowed them to choke away a 3-game, 3-goal lead last season. for phoning in this blog post like Mike Modano did the last few years in Dallas, instead of posting the weekly NHLOL pics since it is Saturday.  In respect of that, I leave you with one:

AP and other images via Yahoo! and ESPN/Getty Images.

As always, feel free to leave your comments, hate mail, and what else I should be ashamed for, or just stalk me on Twitter , because what better things do you have to do while at work?

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