Saturday, September 4, 2010

Stars Goaltending: A New Hope

First off, I am completely saddened that I did not receive one haiku from my last post.  Zero.  Zilch.  Nada.  Just for that, I'm going to keep the copy of NHL 11 I was going to purchase instead of offering it as a giveaway.*

Down to business.  Thanks to some amazing super secret REAL footage from Andrew's Dallas Stars Page (which oddly now re-directs to ESPN Dallas...), we have established who will be contending for the starting job with Kari Lehtonen.  As you may or may not have known, Andrew Raycroft's contract is actually a two-way deal for the first year.  Since Dallas is broke as a joke, it's a nice way of saying "Enjoy leading the Texas Stars back to the AHL championship."  Now I know anyone that is familiar with the organization immediately assumes that Brent Krahn is automatically in line to challenge Kari, but oh no.  Think harder.  Think outside the box.  It's obvious Marc Crawford's style doesn't mesh well with a particular player on the team, and it's obvious Crawford tried everything in his power to find a way to work this gentleman into different situations during games, but it just wasn't working.  There were even heavy rumors that this guy was going to be traded, but no one wants a guy that just had a miserable season.  So ladies and gentlemen, without further ado I present the new potential #1 goaltender for the Dallas Stars, offensive wizard, Mike "Chipmunk" Ribeiro (Hey, it honestly can't get much worse):

In closing:

Dear ESPN,

Please do not sue my ass off.  I am making no money off your video and happily gave you all the credit in the world.  If you want it gone just let me know and it's down.  If on the contrary you'd like to reward the extra 8 page hits you're getting from this blog, then I will happily accept season tickets in the North Plaza.  If you want to throw in a couple beers that would be swell as it's probably the only way I'll be able to sit through an entire game if this really is the future of our goaltending.

*Not really true.  It was never going any further from my couch than the Xbox 360, but hey, at least you felt like for a moment that this was a really generous blog.

As always, feel free to leave your comments, hate mail, and social security numbers for me, or just stalk me on Twitter, because what better things do you have to do while at work?


  1. that last goal was weak, typical Dallas fashion. Beyond that, not a bad showing