Monday, April 4, 2011

Just Call Me Champion

When I set out to begin this hockey season I had a few objectives in mind (seriously, if I used the word "goals" I was going to have to punch myself in the nuts and serve a life sentence in pun jail):

-Write about the atrocity that is the Dallas Stars defense (special thank yous to Jeff Woywitka and Matt Niskanen for making that a slam dunk)
-Write about my hatred of Tom Hicks (it seems with everything coming out lately that others have done more than I ever could have put on paper)
-Make at least two people laugh while reading a post...well...giggle...or at least smirk a little bit
-Win some fantasy hockey leagues

Yes, win some fantasy hockey leagues.  Welcome my readers, I am a stat nerd.  I usually get to the championship game in all my football leagues (we're just going to ignore this past season, like next year's, it doesn't exist) mainly because I don't look at player's names or what team they play for, I pick people based on historical statistical production.  In hockey I find myself at a disadvantage because I have certain rules like never being allowed to draft a Red Wings player.  Two years ago I gave that rule up realizing it was costing me dearly, and now look at me.

The sweetest Hat Trick ever

Yep, that's not one, not two, but three blowout victories in the finals.  I am what Darcy Tucker was to Sami Kapanen: an absolute knock out.  Ladies, I know you wish to send me your now moistened underwear, but please, I can only receive so many packages in the mail before the mailman gets suspicious and starts asking unnecessary questions.

I'd like to thank everyone foolish enough for inviting me to be a part of their league.  I hope that next season you dedicate the password naming rights to yours truly.  It's gonna be simple, it's going to be epic, it's going to be "WoywitkaBlowsAss."  Well that, or I expect three nice pretty trophies to show up at work tomorrow with my name engraved on them.

Special thanks again to everyone who made "Benn There Done That," "A Flock of Segals," and "Niskanen Fodder" what they are today.  And for the record, no I did not trade Brad Richards.  Morons.

As always, feel free to leave your comments, hate mail, and digital trophies, or just stalk me on Twitter , because what better things do you have to do while at work? 

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